Tuesday, 1 September 2015

End of an era

I am sitting here thinking about how I should really be in bed but instead I feel the need to put something down in writing to mark the eve of a new era. My big girls start school tomorrow and I am not sure how I feel.

On the one hand it has been a long six and a half weeks refereeing my four little bundles or joy! I am looking forward to some me time, sitting in complete silence, peeing in private and not having to repeat myself six thousand times and ending the day hoarse after twelve hours of trying to make myself heard. But this isn't just the bigs at nursery and the littlies at playgroup this is SCHOOL! They are entering the real world outside of our chaotic family and donning their outsize school pinafores and knee socks and putting their best feet forward all on their own without me to hold their hands.

I was dreading the summer holidays laying awake at night wondering how I would fill all those days but actually it has been pretty good, albeit very knackering. There has been some sisterly bonding, in between punch ups, and some massive milestones have come and gone. I no longer have nappies on my online shopping order and we are now a household with no cots or stair gates. And now we have all got used to each other all being around each other every day and daring to stray from the routine it is time to start the school run...

How will I feel tomorrow when I wave them off into school? Will I do a little jig or will I shed a tear? I will keep you posted x

Saturday, 17 January 2015

The Big Work Dilemma

A New Year and time to start blogging again especially as I am now a lady of leisure! Urgh yeah right!
After taking six months unpaid leave from my job at the University library I should have been returning this week but after much soul searching I decided before Christmas that it was time to realise that I can’t do everything and I handed in my notice.
It was a relief when I finally made the decision. When I went back last year I enjoyed working once I was there. It gave me the freedom of just being me and being able to read a book on the metro and go to the toilet on my own and enjoy some adult conversation. Not to mention lunch breaks browsing in Cath Kidston. It was a breath of fresh air. But I couldn’t switch off when I left the house I was trying to juggle work commitments and constantly checking my phone to make sure that everyone was ok. There was so much guilt involved, guilt that I was leaving them all and guilt at feeling so unreliable at work. I took six months unpaid leave to try and work out a plan of action and hoped that once the girls were all that little bit older that it may be easier to arrange childcare but in the end I knew that it just made more sense for me to be at home with them.
It is hard giving up a good job in this day and age when they are so hard to come by and I miss my lovely work friends who saw me through IVF treatments and two twin pregnancies. I also feel a little out of touch with reality too as I don’t get time to read and rarely switch on the news. I tend to learn things through facebook and my world revolves around Disney, Ben and Holly and Peppa Pig. My days are challenging, having two very strong willed two year olds fighting with each other and their big sisters can wear you down. But in between there are some wonderful moments that I wouldn’t want to miss for the world and I feel very lucky that I have four such happy, healthy and ‘spirited’ girls.

2015 is going to be a year of change with my babies all growing up so fast and my big girls starting school in September! I am hoping I might even find a bit of me time in there somewhere too.